Sterling Archer vs Stan Smith
Sterling Archer vs Stan Smith is a What-If? episode of Death Battle created by BakaLord before it was abandoned. Later to be adopted by The Saints Jigglypuff. It's featuring Sterling Archer from the Archer series & Stan Smith from the American Dad series. Description Archer vs American Dad. Both secret agents and both best in their work. But both of them lack the intelligent to get them out of a troubling hot mess. Who will win in this secretive classified Death Battle? Intro (Cue Death Battle Theme Song) Wiz: It doesn't take a genius to know that when it come to the life of a secret agents, They willing to do anything to protect against any form of threat. Boomstick: But while most of them are skilled in their top class, We got 2 of them who couldn't handle being the most friendlist member with ideas that don't always work out well. Wiz: Like Agent Sterling Archer, ISIS Self-Proclaim Deadliest Spy Boomstick: And Agent Stan Smith, CIA Best and Worst Agent. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE. Sterling Archer (Cue 007 Goldeneye - Aztec) Wiz: The International Secret Intelligence Service, or ISIS for short, is a Private Intelligence Agency featuring some of the best assassins to defend the world from starting a new world war. Boomstick: These top skilled members includes a easy-to-piss off sniper, a strangely pervertic scientist and even at some point a virtual anime girl. How.....disturbing. Wiz: Out of them all thou, One member is always sent to be the main head of the mission, And while often screws it up, He tend to get the job done. Boomstick: He is a charmer, A lady lover, And he known as the self-proclaimed most Deadliest Spy. His name was Archer. Sterling Archer '-Member of ISIS' '-Self Proclaimed: Deadliest Spy' '-Born in Reggie's Bar in Morocco, Africa' '-Mother: Malory Archer' '-Dressed like Bob Belcher in an episode.' Wiz: Sterling Malory Archer was born in Reggie's Bar in Tangiers in northern Morocco, Africa, when his mother "Malory Archer", was assisted in the birthing process by the bar-owner Woodhouse. Boomstick: Ah I been there buddy. Wiz: I don't think I ever heard you being born in a bar. Boomstick: Whatever. As bitchy as her tough attitude at Archer and some of the other ISIS worker were, She shaped Archer to be the best around, in some places that is. (Cue 007 Goldeneye - Escape from Dam) Wiz: Despite having a mind of an easily confused starfish, Archer does hold much skills he used in combat, Holding some top tier training and experience. Boomstick: As for his weapon collections, He carry the silent pistol, As well as many other spy-base weapons, Making him an expert marksman. Skills/Weapons '-Skilled Marksman and Stealth' '-Walther PPK' '-Chekhov Gun' '-Sawed-Off Double Barrel Shotgun' '-M41 Mark 2 Plasma Pulse Rifle' Wiz: His most favorite is the Walther PPK, Most famous for being the weapon choice for James Bond. It got a .32 ACP cartridge with a magazine capacity of 7 rounds, plus an additional round. Boomstick: A side from that, He also got many weapons such as the Chekhov Gun, A Russian 25 caliber automatic pistol. As well as the Sawed-Off Shotgun, my favorite, And the destructive M41 Mark 2 Plasma Pulse Rifle which is like the blaster from Star Wars except it doubles as a grenade launcher. And that just the fewest of what Archer can use in his weapon collections. (Cue 007 Goldeneye - Runway) Feats '-Survive an shuriken to the chest and fought 3 ninjas' '-Escaped the Russian Secret Police while having glass in his feet' '-Score flawlessly in darts while drunk' '-Drank Germicide' '-Survive multiple beatings and abuse that would normally kill a person' Wiz: He survive multiple form of attacks on him, Escape a Russian Police with glass on his feed and even fought 3 ninja and defeated them after having a shuriken toss at his chest. Boomstick: He even shot a perfect score in darts, And all while heavily intoxicated. Wiz: He even drank Germicide, which is very deadly to the human body when consume. Boomstick: Seem like Archer is quiet a survivor but even the stealthiest of spies have his limits. Weakness '-Reckless and not a planner' '-Immature and demands attention' '-Sometime a Momma-Boy' '-Easily distracted by women, Even if their enemies' '-Heavy drinker' '-Tend to have some form of hearing loss from gunfire and explosion' Wiz: A side from being an idiot for the most part, Archer is always hungry for attention and tend to be not only immature, But even easily distracted by any woman he see, No matter how dangerous they can get. Boomstick: Even for a womanizer, He ain't no Duke Nukem. Wiz: Not only that but he also not a full-time planner, becoming reckless and even having some of his moment having hearing loss after frequent gunfights and explosions. Boomstick: Thou when the world need saving, Archer will be ready to make the call, thou only if he not busy with other stuff in his list. He is after all the Womanizing Deadliest Man to be around with. Stan Smith (Cue Mission Impossible 64 - The KGB) Boomstick: America, A place of the proud and free, Home of many people just like me. Wiz: And the most dangerous as well, With many strange faces from and outside the American boarder to try to take the lives of many, Either it be a cosplaying hobbit who skilled in hacking, An explosive expert or even the very fate itself. That where the CIA, Known as the Central Intelligence Agency come in to fight this menis off. Boomstick: And out of those who work in this agency controlled by a boss who more unstable, After all he have a device that turn water into crystal coke, One member manage to have it more then the rest of the teammate. His name was Stan Smith Stan Smith '-Member of the CIA' '-Weapon Expert' '-Abandoned by his father Jack Smith' '-Family: Francine Ling (Wife), Steve Smith (Son), Hayley Smith (Daughter)' '-The only person to be saved by an alien in Area 51' Wiz: Born around Philadelphia, Stan Smith took on the role of main responsibility after his father left him long ago, Which is a memory that Stan could never forget. Boomstick: Turns out that Jack Smith became a dirty-minded criminal who only want to steal cash and even manipulated his son. Wiz: Since then Stan Smith been a working man, gaining an education in John DeLorean High School where he fell in love with Francine Dawson, who later become Francine Smith upon wedding. He would start his job after moving to Langley Falls where not only would he have 2 children but also hold a fish with the brain of a German athlete and even an drunk-oholic alien name Roger. Boomstick: AHH! IT THE ALIEN FROM AREA 51!!! Wiz: Well this alien did save Stan back at Area 51 so, you're not far off Boomstick. (Cue Mission Impossible 64 - CIA Rooftop) Wiz: Since then Stan Smith would use any form of force to defend not only his job but his family as well. Which is why he always hold many form of weapons. Skills/Weapons '-Kel-Tec P-111 9mm Glock' '-Hand to Hand Combat Skills' '-Swordplay' '-Grenades' '-Sniper Rifle' Boomstick: His main one is the Kel-Tec P-11 9mm, Which is a pretty skilled weapon even for what seem like a simple glock. Wiz: He also hold more then just a standard pistol, He also many form of weapons and tend or atleast claimed to be skilled in them, This range from melee weapons like a machete and a double-sided blade to sniper rifles and even explosives like grenades. Along with this he's also skilled in form of hand-to-hand combat thanks to his agility and even strength. Boomstick: This was the same guy who almost beat Roger in a wrestling match, And that alien have extremely strong legs to send Stan Smith to the air. And that lasted 10 days. That quiet a strong will-power to never give up. Wiz: And that just one of his well known feat in term of combat. (Cue Mission Impossible 64 - Subpen) Feats '-Survive multiple battle with Santa Clause' '-Survive an accidental gunfire to the back of his neck' '-Barely survive his legs torn by an angry bear at the zoo' '-Lasted 10 days wrestling Roger with superhuman leg strength' '-Survived falling down Mount Kilimanjaro after being cursed to be an old man' '-Killed countless of demons after the Rapture.' Boomstick: He survive a gunshot to the back of the neck that left him paralyzed, Had his legs torn by a bear, And even survive many battle with Santa Clause, Who more evil then folk tales can tell. This is the same guy who try to summon a giant demi-god with a torn neck to destroy humanity. Wiz: There was also that one time that Stan was cursed to be an old man and thinking that to cure it was to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, In which he fell off and surprisingly survived the long fall. Judging on the mountain size being 5,895 metres or 19,341 feet above sea level, Stan Smith at his old age fell was pretty long. Boomstick: But nothing compare to the time where HE FOUGHT DEMONS! Wiz: The Rapture, or also known as the End of the World was where Stan Smith met Jesus Christ to fight off against the Antichrist when Stan and Francine was left behind. Sure Stan Smith lost a hand and had to get a hook to replace it but he still fought off strong and know how to use a crossbow. He also survive the invasion of the 200, Where it was a human-eat-human war. Boomstick: Talk about a legend for american everywhere. Wiz: Well as skilled in combat as he is, He far from the smartest person around or even friendliest. Weakness '-Lack Intelligent and don't plan strategy fully' '-Arrogant in some way' '-An over achiever, Almost attempted to hang himself after losing a football game to his son.' '-Tend to be lazy or too stress easily' '-Get lost in his mind easily' '-Tend to die a couple times' Wiz: After all while Stan Smith got some good skills, He don't tend to plan things fully through, Like when he think it was a good idea to go to the forest at night to find a Christmas tree which result in him getting crushed by one, or the other time where turning his daughter into a sleeper agent just to get her married without even knowing that she would try to murder Stan after some time pass. Boomstick: Well you can't force marriage unless you have a shotgun wedding that is. Wiz: He also doesn't tend to be as workful as he tend to be as sometime he can get very lazy, Always forgetting to go to work. And when he does go to work, He get stress due to some real hard decision sent by his boss. He also arrogant in wanting to make sure that he always right with everything, To the point where he refuse to be told that he was wrong. Boomstick: Not to mention that one time he almost try to hang himself after losing to his son in a football game, And while his sacrifice to destroy the Antichrist building was epic, Some of the other time he died was base on pure stupidity. Wiz: Still, Stan Smith is a family man and always ready to protect against any form of threat that come between either him, his family and his country, Always up to using what he know best. Ready Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, time to end this once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE! DEATH BATTLE!!! CIS TOP SECRET FACILITY STATUS: RUNNING LOCATION: CLASSIFIED OCTOBER XX 2019 MISSION: OBTAIN INFORMATION ON A MISSING CREATURE FROM AREA 51 (Cue Team Fortress 2 - Three Days to Live) ISIS plane fly over the facility as Archer parashoot himself on the roof, trying to open the hatch before kicking and entering inside. Lana Kana on Speaker Phone: Hey, This is suppose to be a stealth not-harm mission and you breaking through glass? Archer: Hey, I didn't had anything else to cut through the glass. Lana Kana: We gave you a special lock-picker yesterday. Archer look around the room, putting on his night-vision googles. Archer: Just tell me what am I looking for. Lana Kana: Uuug Do I have to tell you every damn thing. You looking for files, information, any proof on the where about of the alien that was at Area 51. Archer: People still trying to raid it? As Archer still talking, Stan Smith is doing his normal work on the computer, which running slow. Stan Smith: Damn Window 7 Supercomputer. Would never have to deal with if they just upgraded this. Archer notice Stan Smith on the computer as he hide behind some techbox. Archer: Lana, There someone on the computer. Lana Kana: Well why you telling me this, Take him out silently incase anyone else around. Archer ready his silent pistol and fire at Stan Smith, Which deflated into a decoy. Archer: Uh? Stan Smith appear behind Archer Stan: Hey, Cool break in, You should hear the sound from it. Stan punch Archer face as Archer back up. (Cue Metal Gear Solid 4 - Encounter) FIGHT! Stan Smith begin swinging punches at Archer as Archer try dodging as much as he can. Archer: Lana, I been spotted, I just shot a decoy. Stan sweepkick at Archer, Hurting Archer leg before grabbing and tossing him to the ground. Stan: Ha, Never bring a single pistol to a fight. Archer grab his Walther PPK out of his pocket. Stan: OOHH! Archer begin shooting his favorite gun as Stan quickly take cover as Stan call Francine phone. Stan: Hey honey. Yeah I guess I'm gonna be late again. No family night today. Stan hang up, sigh in relief for missing out on a boring day as he grab his Kel-Tec P-111 9mm Glock and begin shooting at Archer, With most of the shots missing each other until both ran out of ammo. Stan: Damn it Archer grab another round and place in his gun as Stan grab a grenade and toss it at Archer, With Archer moving away before getting pushed by the blast, Getting up, unable to hear as he try to call Lana. Archer: Lana, Could use a hand here. Lana Kana: No way you losing to one guy, You dealt worst than him. Archer: WHAT? Archer notice sniper beam and quickly dodge a bullet, keep on running to hide as Stan reload his sniper rifle, Removing the heart-shape crosshair and replacing it with a normal one. Stan: Why do I still have this? Archer grab Stan from behind, trying to put him in a headlock as Stan stomp on Archer foot. Archer: AHHH Watch the Legs! Stan grab and flip Archer, making him drop most of his weapon as both try to grab the best one. Stan: DRAW! Stan pull out the Double Shotgun while Archer pull the M41 Mark 2 Plasma Pulse Rifle. Stan: Well I must admit you got the better gun. Archer fire his rifle with Stan taking bullet to the arm as he try to hide from the bullet, Covering his wounds. Archer: Ha, Yes! Archer walk over to Stan Smith as Stan try to think Stan Mind: Hmm, What to do. Come on, Use what you learn back when you were interrogating that terrorist that one time. Hmm He look like a charmer, Dress fancy, Got an awesome gun, Looking like....wait I think I got it. Stan toss his phone with a picture of Francine at Archer feet at Archer look down, Picking up the phone. Archer: Hey, Now this look like a nice catch. Hope she not married. Stan: She is. Stan punch Archer face again before shooting his shotgun at Archer stomach, Making Archer crash at the wall before grabbing his rifle and aiming at Archer. Stan: Any last words before your demise? Archer: AHHHH I STILL CAN'T HEAR! Stan give a scornful look to the camera before firing his rifle at Archer multiple times, before finally exiting and see Avery Bullock. Stan: Hey Bullock I got some good news. Bullock: Not now Smith, I like you to introduce you to Ms. Malory Archer, She said her son was inside looking for some infomation on that alien that escape Area 51 and decided instead of sneaking by that we agree to work together. Stan: ..............oh crap. K.O.! Results (Cue American Dad Theme Song) Boomstick: There goes the most charming agent you ever seen based on a movie star. Wiz: This was a very tight fight to work off on, Both combatant are skilled in weaponry, Both survive near death experience and both were reckless when it come to thinking ahead. Boomstick: However when it come to their feats and weakness, Stan have much more to offer. Yes Archer fought off 3 ninjas with a ninja star to the chest but Stan Smith fought off hordes of demons during the Rapture, Surviving all that hell offer. Hell even Santa Clause couldn't bring this man down even with an Elf army. Wiz: And while Stan Smith is lazy, He not easily distracted by simple thing, Compare to Archer who always let his guard down when it come to needing attention or seeing a pretty woman he like. This along with Stan Smith expert in hand-to-hand combat compare to Archer is what give Stan an extra edge. Boomstick: Archer might be good with a gun but when it come to close combat, He stagger in some places. Heck he was even launch into an oven in a cooking show trying to make Eggs Woodhouse. Wiz: It also doesn't help that when it come to bullets, Canon-logically Archer was in a very deep coma after having been took a strong bullet shot, While Stan was able to survive only being paralyzed, which ended up more recovered then what Archer dealt with, With oddly enough a 2nd bullet cause logic. Boomstick: It seem that even with charm, Archer couldn't handle a true American Dad. Wiz: The winner is Stan Smith. Next Time (Cue Sonic Forces - Infinite Theme *Orchestral*) The Season 1 Finale ??? the Jackle: I am the ultimate force, With my powers, I cannot be stopped. There no escape ???: Pitiful creature. There no use trying to beat me. Be prepared Two silhouette summons cubes by their side and blast at each other. For the Cubes of Destruction Infinite: Time to end your life! Prometheus: I'll end your future for good! Poll What you think of the result of this secret battle? Agree Disagree Agree but reason can be fixed up Disagree but enjoy the battle Who are you rooting for? Sterling Archer Stan Smith Both Which show you like more? Archer American Dad Both None Trivia *This was originally gonna be the 2nd Death Battle to be collab on. With the reason being that Saints Jigglypuff needed help on working on Archer bio. However due to no one helping out, The Saints Jigglypuff had to do most of the work. Making this a non-collab battle. *The connection between Archer and Stan Smith is that their both top skilled secret agents of a government agency(ISIS and CIS respectfully) despite their lack of intelligent that always get them into trouble in situation. *This battle been long overdue after BakaLord abandoned the project for 3 years, Til it was later adopted by The Saints Jigglypuff. Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'TV Shows' themed Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:'Gun Fights' Themed Death Battles Category:Adopted by The Saints Jigglypuff Category:The Saints Jigglypuff Category:Adopted What-If? Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2019